OM (odyssey of the mind) - Vaudeville -- March 8, 1995 -- Draft #5
(2nd to last draft -- p.s. will you make seven drafts of any of your assignments for this course ? )

Leyden note:
OM is an international project to stimulate creative and critical thinking in children. This is the INTERNATIONAL WINNING skit from 5th graders in Ellicott Road Elementary School in Orchard Park, NY -- a buffalo suburb ( where the Buffalo Bills have their stadium ).

There are strict rules of what has to be encompassed in the eight (?) minute program. The 'OM super bowl' was held in Nashville, TN.

One of the 7 students was Erin ( Leyden ) Doyle -- dr. leyden's niece ( well, his niece's daughter ). He has a video tape of their performance if you would like to see it.

The students used a spin off of Abbott and Costello's "who's on first" skit. Note things like

I haven't don't much reading on "the gifted" -- but the research i have scanned always seems to note that one trait of 'gifted' kids is a sense of humor. Remember -- to 'get a joke' -- you need to have a basic amount of knowledge to appreciate the joke.

And you come to college for knowledge - so that you can enjoy your own life -- and not get eaten alive by all those kids who lust for knowledge.

MC2:
Guten Tag, ladiez und chentlemen. Velcome to my Traveling Scientific Vaudeville Show.
I am your MC for dis evening, Albert Einstein. But you can call mc MC2.
Ha-Ha-Ha -- I make a funny....

Tonight ve haf tree scientific acts for you.
Our first act brings you two vorld famous comedians, fresh from dee big time, all the vay from dee Air and Schpacc Museum in Vashington, DC, here to entertain you, to tickle dem funny bone, knocken your socks off, und tell you about science, dat famous comedy team - Margaret Mead and Sir Isaac Newton.


Mead: Hey, Sir Isaac! Want to learn the scientific method?
Newton: Why?
Mead: It's a really positive aspect of society. It helps you solve your problems.
Newton: Right.
Mead: The first thing you do is state the problem.
Newton: I don't have a problem.
Mead: - I never said you did.
Newton: But you just told me to state the problem.
Mead: That's right.
Newton: What's right?
Mead: State the problem!
Newton: OK...You! You're driving me crazy!
Mead: Naturally! The next step is to make a hypothesis.
Newton: What's a hypothesis?
Mead: (Ans.) Guess
Newton: Okay. (Thinks) It's one of those huge animals that lives in t Africa.
Mead: No, that's a hippopotamus! It's a guess!
Newton: What do you think I just did! I took a guess.
Mead: That's right.
Newton: What's right?
Mead: It's the second step of the scientific method. You took a guess and made a hypothesis.
Newton: I did not make a hippopotamus. (Shakes his head.)
Mead: Now the third step.
Newton: AHHHHHHHHHH
Mead: The third step is observe.
Newton: You're right. This whole thing is absurd.
Mead: Not absurd. Observe. Like look. In the third step you look and test.
Newton: I hate tests.
Mead: I'm not giving you one.
Newton: You just said you were.
Mead: No. This is the scientific method.
Newton: And now you're giving me a test on it.
Mead: No, I'm not. I'm not even finished yet.
Newton: Finished with what?
Mead: The five steps of the scientific method.
Newton: Well, you'd better hurry up. (looks at watch.) I still have to discover the law of gravity.
Mead: Next you interpret.
Newton: In what language?
Mead: English
Newton: I don't need to interpret English. I already know English.
Mead: You don't interpret English. You interpret data.
Newton: Why are you talking about Daddy? He already knows English too.
Mead: Data is something you collect.
Newton: Why are you collecting my father?
Mead: No, data is information.
Newton: Well, for your information, I call my father Daddy.
Mead: Let's get back on the subject. Step number five is draw conclusions.
Newton: I don't have a pencil.
Mead: Why do you need a pencil?
Newton: You just told me to draw collisions.
Mead: No I didn't. I told you to draw collusions - I mean conclusions.
Newton: I don't care if I'm drawing a collision or a collusion. I still don't have a pencil.

They chase each other off stage.

MC2: Dat vas Mead and Newton. Danka, danka, vor dat vonderbar performance. Next ve have a ventriloquist, Madame Marie Curie, und her dummy, Bari. We call him a dummy, even zo he iss

All: -smarter than the average baritone.

MC2: Please velcome, Madame Curie und Bari....
Curie: Here Bari. You can sit here.
Bari: (Snores) Curie: Say Hi to the audience, Bari.
Bari: Hi to the audience, Bari. Hi. to you too, Madame Curie. I have a present for you, Madame.
Curie: What is it?
Bari: It's in my bell.

Curie looks in the bell and Bari blasts a loud note at him.

Curie: That wasn't very funy, Bari.
Bari: (Laughing) Yes it was.
Curie: Well, at least you seem to be in a good mood. How are you doing today, Bari.
Bari: Not well at all.
Curie: What's wrong?
Bari: i just found out that I'm an endangered instrument.
Curie: What?
Bari: I'm an endangered instrument.
Curie: Why?
Bari: Because I keep asking why.
Curie: But Bari, that's not bad. Scientists ask why every day.
Bari: Why?
Curie: It's their job.
Bari: How can I be a scientist?
Curie: You just have to be curious.
Bari: Why?
Curie: See, you're good at that already. If you aren't curious you'll never want to find out the answers, and if you never wonder about the answers, you'll never be a good scientist.
Bari: is that why they call you Madame Curious?
Curie: Oh, Bari. You're funny.
Bari: That's the best news I've heard in the last two hours.
Curie: What happened two hours ago?
Bari: That's when I learned that I was an endangered instrument.
Curie: And how did you find that out?
Bari: My music teacher told me that if I didn't stop asking why, he was going to knock my bell in. (Bari cries) Boo hoo hoo Boo hoo hoo
Curie: (Laughs) Well cheer up. I doubt he meant it.
Bari: (Stops crying quickly) Okay.
Curie: Why don't you sing us a little song before we go while I take a drink.
Bari:
i am Bari, ordinary
and I'm always asking why
and I'm always getting busted,
cause I'm always asking why.
Curie: That's enough. Say good night to the audience, Bari.
Bari: Good night to the audience Bari.

MC2: Danke, Madame Curie and Bari. Ve'll be right back after dese messages from our sponsor

Newton: Did your girl ditch you for a nerd?
Edison: Are you embarrassed by rust spots on your car?
Newton: Is your hair always a mess?
Edison: Do you wish your waistband wasn't as big as Roseanne's?
Newton: Well, now there is a solution...

Both: To solve all your problems. The Scientific Method!

Newton: NASA uses it.
Edison: Einstein used it.
Newton: Thomas Edison used it.
Edison: Sir Isaac Newton used it.
Both: And you can use It too. The Scientific Method
Newton: It's everywhere you want to be.
Edison: It pays to discover.

Both: Don't leave home without it.


MC2: Und now, our last act. Tonight ve haf all dese famous scientists performing as de Five Steps with dat old time favorite, "Give me Science."

To the tune of "Rubber Ducky":

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